The Day My Daughter’s Motivation Died (And Why I Wasn’t Surprised)

My 20-year-old daughter burst through the door with fire in her eyes. “I’m joining the gym! I’m going 5-6 times a week! I’ve got this!”

I gently suggested starting with 3 days a week, same days each time, to build a habit. But she was riding the motivation wave hard.

Four months later, she stopped going entirely.

When I asked why, her answer was exactly what I expected: “I lost my motivation.”

That’s the moment I knew I had to write this post. My own transformation story taught me the difference. Because motivation isn’t your friend – it’s a fair-weather companion that abandons you the moment things get hard.

My Expensive Motivation Addiction

Don’t get me wrong – motivation worked for me in the beginning. I consumed books and videos from Tony Robbins, devoured motivational speakers, and got high off their energy.

But here’s what nobody tells you about motivational gurus: They’re salespeople repackaging ancient wisdom with modern marketing. There’s nothing wrong with that – they help millions of people – but eventually, it gets boring.

More importantly, when the lazy days kick in or you overeat that one day, motivation does absolutely nothing for those crazy, hardwired, limiting beliefs.

The Problem with Motivation Culture

Motivation is like sugar – it gives you a quick high followed by an inevitable crash. It whispers sweet lies:

• “You’ve got this!”
• “Just believe in yourself!”
• “Manifest your dreams!”

But what happens at 5 PM when you’re exhausted? What happens when your old brain says, “That’s it, I’m done for the day. Time to sit on the sofa and watch soaps”?

Motivation ghosts you. Habits save you.

The Shift I Never Saw Coming

I didn’t consciously shift from motivation to habits. It just happened over time. The more I stuck with small actions, the more my brain started saying:

• “Hey, it’s time to walk”
• “Hey, isn’t it Monday? That’s leg day”

The magic happened when I stopped thinking and started being.

The Real Conversations in My Head

Let me get brutally honest about what goes through my mind on the hard days:

Brain: “I’m tired. I can’t work out today.” Me: “Yes, you can. That’s what you do.”

Brain: “I had a long day. I deserve to skip today.” Me: “We don’t just stop when it gets hard. Life is hard. Move it.”

If I literally can’t be arsed to walk, I stand up and move immediately. I do not allow my brain to build a case for why I shouldn’t. Because once it starts, it’s game over.

The thoughts are regular visitors:

• “I’m tired”
• “I had a long day”
• “I can skip today”

I acknowledge them, let them pass, and get back to work.

The Cake That Taught Me Everything

One day early in my journey, I ate a very large piece of cake and immediately heard my old voice: “It’s okay, I’m fat anyway.”

I stopped that thought dead in its tracks. That was an old belief trying to sabotage my new identity.

This is where my learning about the brain and meditation saved me. I realized I am not my thoughts – they can be changed. I now call that voice my “Jiminy Cricket” and let him go chat his shit elsewhere because I’m not listening.

Before discovering this, that guy would get stuck in my head and I’d throw in the towel because “it’s all pointless.”

Feelings are real and can be powerful, but I don’t have to act on them.

“Your thoughts will try to negotiate. Don’t give them a platform. Just move“

The EastEnders Experiment

My old brain used to think: “5 PM – that’s it, I’m done for the day. Time to watch EastEnders and Coronation Street.”

I was wasting hours every week on storylines that were irrelevant to my actual life. One day, I decided those hours were too precious to waste.

A few weeks in, my brain would panic: “We need to watch EastEnders! What’s happening with the storylines?”

My response: “It’s irrelevant to my life. I don’t have enough life tokens (as Steven Bartlett calls them) to waste on this crap.”

Now instead of collapsing at 5 PM, my husband and I explore local forests until 8 PM. Then I read or listen to podcasts while he watches his films (he’s still a TV freak, and that’s okay).

What Actually Works: The Habit Hijack Method

Here’s the truth motivation speakers won’t tell you: You don’t master yourself through motivation. Mastery comes from gradual changes and new habits that overrule old beliefs.

1. Don’t Think, Just Move

The moment you give your brain a chance to negotiate, you’ve lost. Some discussions should be non-negotiable.

2. Acknowledge, Don’t Engage

Those tired, resistant thoughts will come. Notice them, let them pass, then do the thing anyway.

3. Build Identity, Not Goals

Instead of “I want to exercise,” think “I’m someone who exercises.” The identity shift changes everything.

4. Expect the Dip

Motivation will leave you. Plan for it. Have systems in place for when the honeymoon phase ends.

5. Start Small, Stay Consistent

My daughter tried 5-6 gym visits per week. I suggested 3 consistent days. Guess who’s still exercising?

Want the specific habits that transformed my life? Read about the 5 daily practices that changed everything

The Science Behind Why This Works

Every habit, every thought process in your brain can be changed if you start rewiring those neurons to new thought patterns. You do this by building habits over time and gradually building new beliefs.

People think they can’t change because “it doesn’t come naturally to them.” But that’s just an identity they’re holding onto.

You are not your thoughts. They can be changed.

The Permission to Break (Strategically)

Here’s something motivation culture won’t tell you: It’s okay to take breaks.

I’m going on holiday in a couple of weeks. For 7 days, I’ll walk but won’t do other exercise. That’s good – my body benefits from rest.

But the moment I’m home, I carry on. Because if I break the cycle too long, I know those 30-year-old habits would take hold very quickly.

Your Motivation Detox Starts Now

Stop waiting for motivation to strike. It’s not coming, and if it does, it won’t stay.

Instead:

• Choose one small action
• Do it at the same time every day
• Don’t negotiate with your brain
• Build the identity of someone who does that thing
• Let time and consistency do the heavy lifting

Remember: The goal isn’t to feel motivated. The goal is to become someone who shows up regardless of how they feel.

Because that person? That person transforms their entire life.

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