The Truth About Depression They Don’t Want You to Know (My 20-Year Journey)
How I broke free from two decades of nighttime mental torture without a single pill
The Hidden Wounds
Two years ago, when I refused gallbladder surgery and chose to heal naturally, I thought I was only fixing my body. Yet, as I began this process, something shocking happened: the same steps that healed my body also began healing the mental wounds and depression I had carried for 20 years.
For two decades, I lived with a nightly ritual I would not wish on anyone. You know that moment when your head hits the pillow and suddenly your brain becomes a broken record? Mine replayed every betrayal and every moment someone I trusted broke that trust.
“He did that to me. She abandoned me. Maybe I deserved that hit. Maybe when I got drugged, I gave off the wrong signals.”
Night after night, I sank into self-blame and worthlessness.
Why Pills Weren’t My Answer for Depression
Doctors offered antidepressants again and again. However, I refused. Not because I am against medicine — antidepressants can help many people — but because something deep inside told me that numbing the symptoms would never fix the root cause.
And in my case, I was right. Large studies like STAR*D have shown that only about one-third of patients reach full remission on the first antidepressant tried, while many still live with ongoing symptoms (NIMH, 2006).
The Voices That Nearly Broke Me
Here’s what few people tell you about trauma: it doesn’t just hurt once. Instead, it moves in, sets up camp, and becomes the critical voice in your head.
“You’re not good enough.”
“All men cheat because you’re worthless.”
“You deserved what happened.”
For 20 years, I believed those voices. But eventually I realised they were not truths about me. They were echoes of damaged people’s actions, bouncing around in my head and pretending to be facts.
Why Changing Thoughts Matters for Depression
I know some people get frustrated when they hear “just change your brain” or “just stop being depressed.” I understand that. It can sound dismissive if you’re in deep pain. But here’s what I’ve learned:
Our brains are elastic. From the moment we are born, they wire and rewire themselves in response to our experiences. They build stories and patterns to keep us safe — even if those patterns sometimes trap us in pain. In fact, neuroscience calls this neuroplasticity: the ability of the brain to form new connections throughout life.
This means we are, in many ways, the sum of our repeated thoughts. The hopeful truth is that thoughts can change. And when they change, so can identity.
So what’s the alternative? Should one event or even many events traumatize us for the rest of our lives? Or can we reprogram our responses, adopt new beliefs, and create a calmer inner world?
I’ve seen people still stuck in their trauma stories 60 years later, unable to let go. That is the cost of leaving the brain unchallenged. For me, the only real path forward was to retrain my brain, build new patterns, and finally find peace.
The Turning Point
When I started healing my body naturally, I noticed something unexpected: as I fed my gut with whole foods, moved my body with daily walks, and calmed my nervous system with meditation, the nighttime torture began to fade.
Not because I was avoiding memories. Instead, I was processing them properly for the first time.
What Doctors Never Told Me about Depression
Here’s the science no one explained to me: your brain cannot tell the difference between remembering trauma and reliving it. When you recall the memory, your body floods with the same stress hormones as if the danger is happening now.
That is why traditional “talk therapy” can sometimes make symptoms worse. If you only recount the trauma without calming the nervous system, you risk re-traumatizing yourself. In fact, research shows trauma recall can trigger sharp increases in heart rate, skin conductance, and cortisol — as if the threat were happening again (Orr et al., 2002).
But here’s the breakthrough: when memory processing is paired with body-calming techniques — such as breathing, mindfulness, and even gut-supporting nutrition — the brain can finally file those experiences as past events, not present threats.
My Four Pillar Protocol (No Pills Required) – Depression
- I Fed My Brain Real Food
- 80% whole foods (the same approach that healed my gallbladder)
- Fermented foods for gut-brain health
- No more processed, inflammatory foods
- I Moved My Body Daily
- Strength training for resilience
- Walks in nature for calm
- Movement not as punishment, but as healing
- I Retrained My Thought Patterns
- When the old voices began: “We’ve been over this. It’s past.”
- Felt the emotion → named it → stored it in the “past drawer”
- Used breath + gratitude to replace poison with presence
- I Practiced Radical Forgiveness
- Forgave my ex who head-butted me (we even hug at parties now)
- Forgave the man who violated my trust
- Most importantly, forgave myself
The Truth That Changed Everything
Life happens to all of us. Some carry worse scars than others. Yet those scars do not have to define us.
I no longer cry about the past. The guilt I carried about my nan’s death for 25 years? Gone. Every scar became a teacher. Every betrayal revealed my strength.
Today, I sleep peacefully. The critical voices are quiet. And for the first time, I practice self-compassion.
Why This Matters for Depression
Here’s what shocked me most: antidepressants are not a cure-all. Many people still experience depression even while medicated. Why? Because pills mask symptoms — they don’t resolve trauma, calm stress, or heal the gut.
Depression is rarely just “a chemical imbalance.” A 2022 umbrella review found no clear evidence that low serotonin alone explains depression (Moncrieff et al., 2022). Instead, depression is often the result of unprocessed trauma, chronic stress, poor gut health, and learned helplessness all woven together.
You can’t medicate your way out of that. But you can heal your way through it.
Everyday Mastery in Action
This is why Everyday Mastery exists. The same daily consistency that transformed my body also transformed my mind. The same refusal to accept “this is just how it is” saved not only my gallbladder, but also my mental health.
Healing is not easy. It is not quick. But it is possible. Progress happens one breath at a time, one walk at a time, one choice at a time.
Your Turn
If you lie awake at night replaying old hurts…
When voice tells you that you’re not enough…
You’ve been offered pills but know in your gut there must be another way…
You are right.
There is another way.
Start showing up daily as the person you’re becoming, not the person trauma told you that you are. With time, you will see that mastery isn’t perfection — it’s progress.
For help with making small daily changes. My ebook can help – Habits that transformed my Life Get it FREE
One Last Question for You
Some of you will read this with interest and feel open to trying new ideas. Others may read it and think, “Well, that’s not going to fix me, even the doctors couldn’t.”
And that’s okay. I get it.
But here’s my question: what have you got to lose?
If you’ve tried everything else, why not give this a go? Why not test small daily shifts in food, thought patterns, breath, or movement?
Because there is light at the end of the tunnel but only if you’re willing to let it in.
A Final Note
I am not saying pills are wrong. For many people, antidepressants provide much-needed relief. Combined with support groups and therapy, they can play an important role in recovery. But for me, lasting change only came when I worked on the root issues. Starting with those endless, looping thought patterns that kept me trapped. Once I broke that cycle, and paired it with food, movement, and nervous-system resets, real healing began.
A Realistic Note on Recovery
The road to recovery isn’t perfect. I still have moments when an old feeling or thought pops up. But now, instead of spiralling, I pause and remind myself: we’ve been through this, we’re safe, it’s okay.
And that’s the truth about healing — it’s not about erasing every scar, it’s about learning to live with them peacefully.
👉 Want the science behind gut health, trauma, and holistic healing? Check out Homosapien Health — Gut Health, Food, and Depression: The Dangerous Truth You Need to Know
Further Resources
- Antidepressants & Recovery Rates – The large U.S. STAR*D trial showed that only about one-third of people reach full recovery after the first antidepressant.
- The “Chemical Imbalance” Debate – A 2022 umbrella review questioned whether low serotonin explains depression.
- How Trauma Affects the Body – Research shows trauma recall can spike stress hormones like cortisol and activate the brain’s “alarm centre.”
- Food and Mood – The SMILES trial found that a Mediterranean-style diet improved depression symptoms more than social support alone.
- Healing Through Nature – Short “nature pills” (10–20 minutes outdoors) have been shown to lower stress hormone levels.
Kel is the writer behind Everyday Mastery, where she shares the real, messy, and meaningful process of building habits, resilience, and self-belief from the ground up. Her writing blends ancient philosophy with modern science, always focused on small, practical steps that lead to lasting