by Kel | October 12, 2025 | 8-minute read
You know exactly what you should do. Start that habit. Learn that skill. Try that tool everyone’s using. But every time you get close, fear whispers: “Not yet. You’re not ready. What if it doesn’t work?”
Here’s what 2,000 years of ancient wisdom taught me about silencing that voice and overcome fear of change:
Quick Answer: The Stoic Method for Handling Fear
- Name your specific fear (not “change” – get precise)
- Separate what you control from what you don’t (use the Control Audit)
- Take one micro-action (2-5 minutes of curiosity)
- Observe without judgment (it’s data, not failure)
- Repeat until curiosity replaces resistance (usually 7-14 days)
I developed this method when my daughter said “AI is scary”, and I’ve used it for everything from technology anxiety to starting new habits.
Within the first week, the intensity of fear dropped noticeably.
→ Get the Free Stoic Fear Worksheet – The same framework I used when my daughter said “AI is scary” (and it works for ANY fear, not just technology)
“AI is scary, Mum.”
My daughter said this while looking at the new website I’d built—and I realized she’d just named the fear I hear everywhere: “I don’t know what comes next.”
Not just about AI. About starting that fitness routine. Changing your eating habits. Walking into anything unfamiliar while that voice whispers: “What if you can’t handle this?”
Sound familiar?
Here’s what two thousand years of ancient wisdom taught me about that voice – and why it matters more now than ever.
Disclaimer: I’m not a therapist or psychologist, just someone who’s learned to work with fear through Stoic and Buddhist practice. What I share combines personal experience with research from trusted mental health sources like the Mental Health Foundation UK. If anxiety feels unmanageable, please reach out to your GP or a qualified counsellor — support helps.
New to Stoicism? It’s an ancient Greek philosophy (around 300 BCE) focused on distinguishing what you can control from what you can’t. Rather than trying to eliminate emotions, Stoics learned to respond thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively. That same practical wisdom works for modern anxieties – whether it’s AI, career changes, or starting new habits.
The Hidden Cost of Staying Scared
Let’s be honest about what fear actually costs you.
While you’re frozen, researching, overthinking, waiting for the “right time”… life keeps moving.
That fitness routine you know you need? Your body stays stuck in the same pattern. That technology everyone’s talking about? The gap between you and people who just started experimenting gets wider every week. Those small habits that would actually change your energy, your focus, your peace of mind? Still sitting in the “someday” pile.
The uncomfortable truth:
The feeling you’re trying to avoid by staying still? You’re experiencing it anyway. You’re just calling it “stress” or “overwhelm” instead of “growth.”
According to research from the Mental Health Foundation UK, 74% of Britons felt so stressed in the past year they were overwhelmed or unable to cope. Meanwhile, studies across Western nations show that 37-72% of people report anxiety about AI technology, yet most already use AI-powered tools daily without realizing it. The fear isn’t about the technology itself but it’s about the label, the unknown, the feeling that you’re losing control.
The Stoics knew something about this. They faced their own rapid changes, political upheaval, wars, loss, empire-ending uncertainty. And they figured out something crucial:
You’re not scared of the thing itself. You’re scared of what it might change about your life.
And here’s the kicker:
That job that requires AI skills? Someone without your experience just applied—and they’re not scared because they spent three weeks experimenting while you were researching “the right way” to start.
That fitness goal? Your body just aged another month in the exact same pattern while you waited for motivation to arrive.
That peace of mind you’re seeking? Still trapped on the other side of the discomfort you’re avoiding.
The fear you’re trying to escape by staying still? You’re living it anyway.
So here’s the real question: If you’re going to feel uncomfortable either way, wouldn’t you rather feel uncomfortable while moving forward?
What the Stoics Knew About Fear (That Still Works Today)
“You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
The Stoics didn’t pretend fear wasn’t real. They didn’t do toxic positivity or “just get over it” nonsense.
Instead, they asked a better question: What’s actually within my control?
Not the headlines screaming about what you should fear or how fast technology evolves. You can’t manage other people’s opinions about your choices. You can’t force change to feel comfortable on day one.
But your thoughts? Your actions? Your response to what’s in front of you?
Those are yours.
When you stop trying to control what you can’t, something shifts. The fear doesn’t disappear – but it stops driving the car.
Three Fears, One Pattern (See If This Sounds Familiar)
Fear of new fitness routines
You know you should move more. But the gym feels intimidating. That first session? Awkward. Your body doesn’t know the movements yet. Everyone else seems confident. You imagine looking foolish. So you stay home where it’s comfortable.
Fear of changing habits
You want to eat better, sleep earlier, finally start that morning practice everyone swears by. But your current routine is familiar, even if it’s draining you. At least you know what to expect. At least you won’t fail at something you haven’t tried.
Fear of technology (especially AI)
My daughters use AI every single day. Spotify creates their playlists. Snapchat applies their filters. Google Maps reroutes them through traffic. But when they see it labeled as “Artificial Intelligence,” suddenly it feels like a threat. Like it might replace something. Change everything they know. Take away their control.
See the pattern?
We’re not scared of the thing. We’re scared of:
- Looking incompetent while we learn
- Losing the comfort of our current routine
- Not being able to predict what happens next
- Finding out we invested energy in the “wrong” thing
Every single one of these fears is about control. Or more specifically, the illusion that we ever had it.
Sometimes the hardest part isn’t the fear itself — it’s seeing the patterns underneath it.
The pauses, the overthinking, the quiet hesitations — they’re not signs of weakness, just reminders that change asks us to listen more closely to ourselves.
Every time you stop to reflect, you’re already moving forward. That moment of awareness is the shift.
The Stoic Framework: What You Actually Control (Spoiler: It’s Less Than You Think)
Here’s the practice that changed everything for me. The Stoics called it “discernment.” I call it the Control Audit.
❌ What’s Outside Your Control
- How fast technology evolves (it’s accelerating whether you engage or not)
- Other people’s opinions about your choices (they’ll judge either way)
- Whether change feels comfortable (it won’t, at first)
- The 47 headlines screaming about what you should fear today
- How your body responds on day one of a new habit
- Whether you “look good” while learning something new
- The pace of cultural or workplace change around you
✅ What’s In Your Control
- Whether you stay curious or shut down (this is a choice, not a feeling)
- The questions you ask about what scares you (questions change everything)
- How slowly or quickly you experiment (you set the pace)
- Which tools you choose to use, and how (you’re the designer of your experience)
- Your willingness to stay with discomfort for 5 minutes (not forever – just 5 minutes)
- How you talk to yourself when learning feels awkward (compassion or criticism?)
- What you do with what you learn (every experiment gives you data)
The Stoic insight: Peace doesn’t come from controlling more things. It comes from releasing what was never yours to hold, and taking full ownership of what is.
Buddhist Wisdom: Why We Cling (And What Happens When We Stop)
The Buddhists add something the Stoics sometimes missed: fear usually comes from clinging too tightly.
To comfort, and stability. To the way things used to be and to our identity as “someone who knows what they’re doing.”
But here’s the truth that nobody wants to hear, explored deeply in Buddhist psychology: impermanence (anicca) is fundamental to all existence. In other words: Nothing stays the same forever. That’s not a problem to solve, it’s just how life works.
Not your routines or your industry. Not your body’s capabilities and not even the tools you use to get through your day.
Change isn’t a flaw. It’s how life works.
When you stop resisting that reality, when you stop white-knuckling your way through change something unexpected happens:
Change stops being a threat. It becomes just another part of the story you’re living.
Mindfulness practice for this: Notice the fear when it shows up. Name it. (“Ah, there’s that scared feeling again.”) Take a breath. Let it pass through you instead of setting up camp in your chest. This approach to mindfulness and fear management doesn’t require you to stop being scared – you’re just not letting fear make all the decisions.
The Stoic Curiosity Method: From Fear to Action in 5 Steps
You don’t have to master anything all at once. You don’t need to become fearless (that’s not even the goal).
Growth is about moving forward even when you’re shaky. Here’s how:
Step 1: Name What Actually Scares You
Get specific. “Change” is too vague to work with.
Is it failure? Looking foolish? Wasting time? Losing what’s familiar? Falling behind? Being judged? Not understanding something everyone else seems to get?
Write it down. Once it’s on paper, it’s no longer this big, shapeless monster in your head. It’s just a sentence. Just a thought you’re having.
Example:
- ❌ Vague: “I’m scared of AI”
- ✅ Specific: “I’m scared that if I don’t learn AI, I’ll become irrelevant at work, but I don’t know where to start and I’m afraid I’ll waste time on the wrong things”
See the difference? One you can work with. One keeps you stuck.
Step 2: The Control Audit (Left Column, Right Column)
Draw two columns. This is the most powerful Stoic exercise you’ll ever do.
Left column: Things you can influence or control
Right column: Things you cannot
Be ruthless. Most of what we worry about goes in the right column.
Then: Focus 100% of your energy on the left column. Let the right column exist without trying to manage it.
Example for AI anxiety:
| ✅ What I Control | ❌ What I Don’t Control |
|---|---|
| Spending 5 minutes testing ChatGPT today | How fast AI technology advances |
| Asking someone who uses AI what they find useful | Other people’s comfort level with AI |
| Watching one tutorial on a tool I’m curious about | Whether AI “takes over” my industry |
| Deciding to learn at my own pace | Media fear-mongering about AI |
| Choosing tools that actually help my life | The hype cycle |
The shift: You stop trying to control the ocean. You learn to navigate your boat.
Step 3: Take One Micro-Action (Not a Commitment, Just Curiosity)
This is where most people overcomplicate things. You don’t need a plan. You don’t need to “go all in.” You need one tiny experiment.
Not: “I’m going to master AI”
Instead: “I’m going to ask ChatGPT one question and see what happens”
Not: “I’m starting a new workout routine”
Instead: “I’m doing 5 push-ups right now to see how my body responds”
Not: “I’m overhauling my diet”
Instead: “I’m adding one vegetable to lunch today”
Why micro-actions work: They remove the stakes. There’s no way to fail at a 2-minute experiment. You’re just gathering information.
Your brain stops resisting when you stop asking it to commit to forever.
Step 4: Observe Without Judgment (Data, Not Failure)
Here’s the part most people skip – and it’s why they stay stuck.
After you take that small action, pause and notice what actually happened.
Not what you thought would happen. Not what you feared would happen. What actually, truly occurred.
Your mind will want to judge it:
- “That was stupid”
- “I still don’t get it”
- “Everyone else would’ve done that better”
Don’t let it. You’re a scientist observing an experiment. Scientists don’t shame their data.
Ask instead:
- What surprised me?
- Anything Feel easier than I expected?
- What felt harder?
- Did I learn anything that I didn’t know 5 minutes ago?
- I would do this differently next time…
This is how curiosity grows. Not from pretending things are easy, but from staying present with what’s actually true.
Step 5: Repeat Until Curiosity Replaces Resistance
Courage isn’t one big moment. It’s a thousand small choices to stay open when everything in you wants to shut down.
Do the thing again. Tomorrow. Next week. The repetition is the practice.
What feels terrifying on day one feels slightly less scary on day three. By day seven, it’s just “something you do.” By day fourteen, you’re teaching someone else.
Not because the thing got easier. Because you got more familiar with it.
The science backs this up: A 2023 study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that gradual exposure to discomfort reduces amygdala hyperactivity and builds resilience. In plain English: small steps literally rewire your brain to fear less over time.
Think about anything you’ve ever learned:
- That first gym session? Awkward.
- That first time driving? Terrifying.
- That first day at a new job? Overwhelming.
But you didn’t stay frozen. You moved through the discomfort. And eventually, your nervous system caught up with your decision to try.
That’s the method. Name it. Audit it. Test it. Observe it. Repeat it.
The 5-Minute Stoic Fear Exercise (Try This Right Now)
Want to practice this immediately? Here’s a micro-version:
Set a timer for 5 minutes.
- Write down one thing that scares you right now (1 minute)
- Write down one tiny action you could take toward it today – something so small it feels almost ridiculous (1 minute)
- Do that action, right now (2 minutes)
- Write one sentence about what you noticed (1 minute)
That’s it. You just practiced the Stoic Curiosity Method.
The fear might still be there. But now you’ve got one piece of real data instead of imagined catastrophe.
When Fear Becomes Growth: The Transformation You’re Not Seeing Yet
Imagine this:
You wake up next month, and that thing that scared you today? You’re doing it without thinking.
Not because you became fearless. But because you trained yourself to get curious faster than you get scared.
You don’t need permission anymore and don’t need to wait for confidence to arrive. You just see something new, think “huh, interesting,” and try it for five minutes.
That’s the difference between people who stay stuck and people who keep growing.
It’s not talent and It’s not fearlessness or even discipline.
It’s a practiced willingness to take the next small step, even when your nervous system is screaming at you to stay put.
And here’s what nobody tells you: That practice changes everything else.
The confidence you build handling fear in one area? It transfers. Suddenly you’re trying that recipe you bookmarked. Making that call you’ve been avoiding. Having that conversation. Asking that question.
Because you proved to yourself that discomfort isn’t dangerous. It’s just temporary.
Ancient Wisdom, Modern Life (Why This Still Matters)
AI might feel completely new, but the emotions it stirs fear, resistance, that unsettled sense of not knowing—those are as old as civilization.
The Stoics faced political collapse and philosophical upheaval. The Buddhists faced the dissolution of everything they knew. Every generation faces its version of “everything is changing too fast.”
The tools change. The wisdom doesn’t.
Stay focused on what’s in your control.
Let go of what isn’t.
Meet change with curiosity instead of clinging.
Take small steps.
Observe.
Adjust.
Repeat.
That’s how confidence is built. Not in one grand moment of courage, but in a thousand small choices to stay open when everything in you wants to shut down.
You’re not behind and you’re not too late. You are exactly where you need to be.
The question isn’t “Can I handle this?”
The question is: “What one small thing am I willing to try today?”
FAQ: Stoic Approach to Fear
What is the Stoic view on fear?
Stoics believed fear stems from trying to control what’s outside our control. By focusing only on our thoughts, actions, and responses—and releasing everything else—we find peace even in uncertainty. Marcus Aurelius wrote extensively about this in Meditations, emphasizing that our minds are the only true domain we govern.
How do I stop being scared of AI?
Start with one micro-action: use one AI tool for 2-5 minutes. Ask ChatGPT a simple question. Let Spotify create a playlist. Observe your resistance without judgment. Curiosity grows with practice, not by forcing yourself to “get over it.” Most AI anxiety comes from the unknown—exposure shrinks that unknown into something manageable.
What did Marcus Aurelius say about fear?
Marcus Aurelius taught that fear arises when we believe external events control our wellbeing. His most famous quote on this: “You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” He practiced focusing only on what he could control—his thoughts, actions, and responses.
How long does it take to overcome fear of change?
Research in behavioural psychology shows that most people move from resistance to curiosity within 7-14 days of consistent micro-exposure. Studies on habit formation demonstrate that small, repeated actions create neural pathways that reduce anxiety around new behaviors. It’s not about “overcoming” fear completely—it’s about reducing the intensity and building familiarity. The Stoic Curiosity Method accelerates this by focusing on small, judgment-free experiments rather than forcing yourself to “be brave.”
Can Stoicism help with anxiety about technology?
Yes. Stoicism helps you separate what you control (your engagement, pace of learning, questions you ask) from what you don’t (how fast tech evolves, media hype, other people’s opinions). This reduces the overwhelm that creates anxiety. By focusing on small, controllable actions rather than trying to predict or control the entire future of technology, anxiety becomes manageable.
Your Next Step: Download the Free Stoic Fear Worksheet
Ready to put this into practice?
I’ve created a step-by-step Stoic Fear Worksheet that walks you through:
- The Control Audit template (printable)
- The 5-Step Curiosity Method with fill-in prompts
- A 7-day micro-action tracker
- Stoic journal prompts for processing resistance
It’s the exact tool I used when my daughter said “AI is scary” – and it works for any fear, not just tech.
→ Get Your Free Stoic Fear Worksheet Here – your printable 5-step method for turning fear into curiosity and calm focus.
What Stoics Would Say About ChatGPT (And Why It Matters)
If Marcus Aurelius sat down with ChatGPT, here’s what I think would happen:
He wouldn’t panic. He wouldn’t declare it the end of humanity or the solution to all problems. He’d ask: “What’s in my control here?”
- Not the existence of the tool (it exists, whether he engages or not)
- Or how others use it (some will misuse it, some will use it wisely)
- Whether it “replaces” human thought (that’s outside his domain)
But what IS in his control:
- Whether he experiments with it to understand its capabilities
- How he integrates it (or doesn’t) into his daily practice
- The questions he asks it (garbage in, garbage out)
- His willingness to stay curious rather than reactive
That’s Stoicism applied to modern tools: You don’t fear the tool. You don’t worship it. You observe it, test it, and decide consciously how it serves your life.
The same applies to every change you’re facing right now.
Related Reading
Want more on building better habits in any area of your life?
→ The Proven Habit-Building System to Make Change Stick Without Motivation – Small daily steps, practical ways to get habits to stick
How to create New Habits One At a Time
→ What I learned from The One Thing
The Compound Effect Of Small Wins?
→ How walking helped my habits compound and how to stay on track
For deeper Stoic wisdom:
Daily Stoic shares timeless lessons on self-control, focus, and peace of mind—values that pair beautifully with mastering change in the modern world.
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For another perspective on navigating uncertainty, Calm’s guide to the fear of change offers practical, science-based ways to stay grounded when life feels unpredictable.
Journaling prompt: What part of change feels outside your control right now? and how could you meet it with curiosity instead of resistance?
I
Kel is the writer behind Everyday Mastery, where she shares the real, messy, and meaningful process of building habits, resilience, and self-belief from the ground up. Her writing blends ancient philosophy with modern science, always focused on small, practical steps that lead to lasting